


Weight of the World

by frozenCinders



Category: Bx: Execute (OFF Fangame)
Genre: Alcohol, CSRverse, Character Study, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, inhumane experiments, songfic?? i don't know what counts i've never read one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenCinders/pseuds/frozenCinders
Summary: A set of miniature scenarios strung together by lines in a song, each one serving as its own prompt.
Relationships: Lepi/Borbo | Lenore Thaddeus
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Weight of the World

**Author's Note:**

> the song used is [robot boy by linkin park](https://youtu.be/Wbt59pmT26E). it's very slow and calm.

_[You say... you're not gonna fight, 'cause no one will fight for you.]_

When it started, Lenny didn't have much of a choice. Maybe his past self would find him reprehensible for beginning to take pride in his work, no matter how immoral it is. The moral values he thinks he used to have sank down into the depths of his mind, and he can't find them anymore, even when he tries. He simply does not need to be forced anymore.

Still, the more he looks forward to the future, the more he dreads it. Rather, the more things he finds to look forward to, the darker the world appears to get.

Knowing it's all his own doing gives him a strange sort of itch that he can't figure out how to scratch.

_[And... you think there's not enough love, and no one to give it to.]_

He heard her call him her guard dog weeks ago and thought of it as a joke. He thought it was funny at the time.

He tried to think of "automatic killing machine" as a somehow endearing term as well, because he knew it would hurt too much not to. She's just callous with her words, and it's one of the charms that drew Lenny in to begin with.

The more she relentlessly refers to Lenny as a weapon, a tool for her convenience, whether she thinks she's joking or not, the traits he once adored turn more and more sour. They become things he hates her for, and he can't believe he ever felt differently.

_[And... you're sure you've hurt for so long, you've got nothing left to lose.]_

The fire rises higher than he'd expected. He also thought, despite all his calculations, that there'd be more survivors than this. Than zero. It's a well known fact that death is inescapable, but Lenny didn't realize he was quite this good at being Death.

He stares well into the night, letting the sweat wear him down, the embers singe his clothes, the smoke ruin his lungs. Even through his filter, by the time the last of the smoke has disappeared into the sky, it manifests itself as a coughing fit that brings him to his knees. It seems like it won't ever stop, and it hurts more as it goes on.

He finds himself thinking: yes, please. Please.

_[So... you say you're not gonna fight,_ _'cause no one will fight for you.]_

He felt like death before he'd fallen asleep and he feels like death after he wakes up, his lungs good as new. The worst part is that he's still Death.

He wonders what would happen if he simply stopped. He holes himself up in his home with the research he'd saved and lets the memory of it quietly surround him. When he picks a notebook up, decides to flip through it for old time's sake, the handwriting on the fourth page makes his hands start shaking. They don't stop until each individual page has been torn to shreds, with him in a trance all the while.

He doesn't touch the old papers again. For a long time, Lenny does absolutely, positively, nothing.

He barely notices when some of his power is stripped away along with his title.

_[You say... the weight of the world has kept you from letting go.]_

Lenny likes to think the past doesn't affect him quite so much anymore. He thinks of the day of the incident and he feels nothing.

But a wound can't possibly heal so long as it's still being inflicted. This awful environment he helped create, an abomination housing a great tree of universes, weighs on his mind every day. He still doesn't know what exactly went wrong, doesn't have anybody to consult about it since years and years ago, but the universe-- _each_ universe, is sick.

There's something distinctly wrong with even the most peaceful worlds; a constant nauseation that the inhabitants don't notice even after they're dead. Lenny looks upon the creatures living in this horrendous multiverse and he thinks each and every one of them is an abomination beyond hope of salvation.

_[And... you think compassion's a flaw, and you'll never let it show.]_

"I could have sworn that one had potential," Lenny muses in the wake of another failure.

It's still alive, but only just. Its body can't handle the extra power Lenny bestowed upon it, and it broke down over the course of five months, extended from his estimated three only by science and determination.

He thought that maybe it could stay alive long enough to suffice, to get the job done, but he was wrong. It couldn't even have the decency to die quickly and not waste his time.

It knows the routine by now, shows weak confusion when Lenny doesn't make a move to save it this time. It tries to speak-- never quite got the hang of that, Lenny might have disconnected something in its brain.

"Oh, stop it. You know I can't stand that noise you make," Lenny scolds it.

The twitches begin to die down, and Lenny cynically thinks: poor thing.

_[And... you're sure you've hurt in a way, that no one will ever know.]_

Lenny has a habit of writing down his thoughts, even if he's certain they won't be useful for anything. He has too much baggage-- unthinkable crimes hidden behind a cheerful, nonthreatening persona. Things he could not possibly discuss, not with anyone.

Perhaps, someday, he could pour his heart out to one of his experiments. Maybe it'll even be sentient enough to truly understand what he's telling it. If it's capable of reacting emotionally, he's sure to have an escalation on his hands.

What a bother. He'll have to settle for the company of books, sharing his pain with objects and never eyes, never ears.

_[But... someday, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.]_

There's a new harbinger of life. Lenny has been aware of the new generation for a while now, has been sure to keep tabs on the harbingers whether they're made to be aware of him or not.

Their first meeting went terribly. Life is quite full of himself, both insufferable and clownish in his open narcissism. He already has knowledge of who Lenny used to be, and he's made a decision to despise him.

His words are callous, and they echo around in one's head whenever he speaks.

His name is Lepi.

_[Hold on, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.]_

It occurs to Lenny in the middle of an argument with Lepi that Lepi might never have come to be if not for Lenny. The realization hits him upside the head, stunning him and causing a lull in conversation.

Lepi could very well have been born some day. He could have even still been imbued with the aspect of life. But if not for this god forsaken multiverse, would the two have met? Would Lepi have so much as batted an eye at Lenny?

They could stand to be on much better terms, but Lenny finds himself thankful for the way things are.

_[So... hold on, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.]_

"Question, Life."

"Absolutely not interested."

"How come you've decided to visit me today of all days, considering you "ha~ate" me so much?" Lenny asks nonetheless, his tone playful enough to be openly taunting.

"Hm? Is there anything special about today? Is Wednesday your day to relentlessly harass anybody who just so happens to have business in this file? And another thing, I do not appreciate the tone you took when you said the word "hate". As if it isn't genuine."

He's especially unconvincing today.

"What business?"

"Because you know that I despise you. I have every reason to," Lepi goes on, ignoring the question.

"What business?" Lenny tries again.

"Yes, speaking of business... you should try minding your own for a change."

"I know a hypocrite when I see one. You wanted to visit me on my birthday. Maybe to make sure I wasn't too lonely? Are you too proud to admit it?"

"How was I supposed to know what today was? You're reading too far into things."

"... So, what business do you have here~?"

Lepi looks away, and although he doesn't make involuntary expressions quite as easily as the average person, his face still makes it apparent that he knows he's been caught.

"Making sure you aren't doing anything reprehensible," he eventually answers, a low grumble in the back of Lenny's head.

"You're not a very good liar," Lenny informs him, not for the first time.

_[So... hold on, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.]_

Lepi already knows Lenny's past. He's made this clear through several allusions to things he should not be able to know. His standing just so happens to come with knowledge like that, is all.

Even knowing this, and even though he's been keeping it in his entire life, never speaking of it to anyone, it only takes a glass and a half of wine before Lenny starts spilling his heart out. Lepi receives his ramblings with little reaction. Lenny is astounded that he sits through the entire retelling.

It makes him wonder why, exactly, Lepi sits here with him. Why he refills Lenny's glass for him the next time it empties.

"You have no reason to be here," he states in realization. He sounds almost as if he's sobered up even after all of his drinking throughout the recounting of his past, but his mind is still buzzing, his face is still warm. Lepi's hands look oddly inviting, just sitting there without a purpose.

"I suppose I don't," Lepi says, not even bothering to offer an excuse.

Yet still he stays.

_[Just... hold on, the weight of the world will give you the strength to go.]_

Last night, Lenny started tearing things apart without really knowing why. Nothing set him off, as far as he's aware. He just suddenly became frustrated, became overwhelmed with self-hatred.

He really didn't do very much damage, aside from his own body that's already healed. In a rare turn of events, he feels slightly thankful for his cursed regeneration. It keeps his surprise visitor from instantly gleaning the extent of his episode.

They don't even speak. Lenny gets up and prepares for the day as usual, well aware of Lepi's eyes on him the entire time. Without mentioning that he normally skips breakfast, he makes enough food for two.

"Consider this a bribe," Lenny says. "In exchange for this, you will knock next time you enter my room. Agreed?"

"I did. Do you have any idea how long I was waiting there? You were completely impossible to wake." Lepi stares down at the French toast neither of them have touched yet. "I thought you'd finally done it."

Lenny laughs outright. He hadn't even injured himself badly the previous night, and Lepi thought he died in his sleep? If only it could be so simple.

"I see you find my concern amusing. Do you really feel the need to be infuriating so early in the morning?"

"I just think it's cute that you worry about me."

His helmet is still on, but he's sure Lepi can see the smile in his eyes, hear it in his voice.

Lepi makes a show of appearing ambivalent, and like he's leaving simply because he can't stand Lenny.

He takes the French toast with him, though. Somehow, it makes Lenny's own taste better.


End file.
